The common refrain from me for the last two years in regards to my work in directing would be that I am not naturally talented at it. It’s a craft that I’ve had to work hard at. To learn, read, practice, fail … you know the chorus. I might not be able to out talent someone but I sure can out work them. It’s a work ethic straight out from No.23’s playbook. But I suppose this presupposes that there is someone TO outwork, outsmart, outthink. And for the most part, there always was someone as the industry I am in can be pretty cut throat and competitive. It’s that person next to you on the treadmill that you have to outrun and at least last longer. Gosh so tiring to do that some might say, but I find it invigorating and gosh I am pretty sure it stems out from some poor self-esteem issues I’ve had. Nonetheless, perhaps it’s served me well.

Now, I have to outwork cancer. This parasite that lives within me. Hiding. growing. I’ve had to now out- workout. Out-heathy eat. Out-Relax. Out-Not stress. All to make sure that I keep alive. Have to work at working out and do everything in my power to keep the cancer at bay. Which really means, try not to die. Or if I put it another way, to work at making sure my body is a lean mean fighting machine that can destroy them cancer cells by itself.

I have no idea what I’m writing. Sorry. This should not be published. It should be a draft.