I tried to barter trade and bargain with God. I tried to trade my life with a life of good deeds and the extension of God’s Kingdom. I tried saying to God that I would do his work on earth and bring glory to him. I bargained for more TV and playtime instead of going up to brush my teeth and go to sleep. I tried to bargain for more yummy candy I should not be having and do a little more homework in the hope that he would be assuaged.

Who am I kidding.

Just as I am the parent who almost knows all, at least more than my kids will know, God knows far beyond what I will ever know and experience. He knows what I am really asking for and why. He gets that I want an extension and a second chance at life. So why bother? Its not wrong of course, it comes from an outcry of the heart to want more. And we do everything in our power to bring that about. But it’s not honest. Not raw. And it’s a missed opportunity to be stripped bare – naked in front of God.

I delight when my kids tell me the honest truth. I would question them, and strip the bargaining away and ask, what is it that you really want? Because I want them to confront the truth and the brave enough to face their own fears and wants. And that there is nothing wrong with wanting something so seemingly basic.

And so I can only surmise that God is the same if not more. That he wants total truth and the raw honesty that comes from a place of need. he knows and sees through the bargaining anyway. So why go around the bush when we can speak out minds and hearts directly.

Of course there is something to be said about praying unceasingly. And reaching out to tough the robe to be healed. There is also that whole other aspect about his plans and being within or outside of his will etc. but that’s writing for another day.

Today, I’m still here and I’m thankful. And I will try to make it count.